There is no room for fantasy in your sexual relationship with your life partner. When you are having sex with your partner, you MUST be present, in the room, with them, focusing on what IS happening. Pornography and masturbation lead us into a fantasy world of sex and lust. For a lot of people it is the norm that is why the divorce rate is over 50% in a lot of countries.
The problem with fantasy is that it can never be satisfied. It grows and changes almost uncontrollably. It becomes a secret thought life that we have and we feel we have to hide it from those we care about. There is no room for it in a healthy marriage .A marriage is a sacred union between people and in the presence of God. The point at which you are married in God’s eyes is hard to know but when you have sexual intercourse with another person, there is an exchange on a spiritual level.
I personally was not a virgin when I got married and it is something I wish I could rectify BUT there is no taking your virginity back. One thing I have done, which I am proud of and has saved my marriage, is to reject any form of fantasy sex life. What my wife and I have is sacred and solely between us. You may think it is impossible to remain faithful in thought and action to your wife BUT I say it is completely necessary.
I made a choice one day and I have stuck to that choice. If I slip up, the first thing I do is tell my wife exactly what I have done. When you confess your sins, they have no power over you any more BUT when you hide them, they eat you from the inside out. Remember, the wages of sin is death.
Some practical things I have tried to beat the temptation of pornography and lust are:
1) Turn of the TV or change the channel when something even mildly pornographic comes on
2) I had a picture above my computer monitor of my daughter taken when she was still in the womb to remind me of where my loyalties lie.
3) Whenever I see an attractive woman or something tempting I used to say “ The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want “ recently I have changed to “ God is God “ and I will sometimes continue with “ God is God, my wife is a gift from God and I will not disgrace God.”
4) I have a good friend who I confess to and ask for prayer from when I am feeling tempted.
Most people don’t realize the dangers of a fantasy sex life and I certainly didn’t realize the benefits of living a pure, lust free life until I had tried it. There is nothing as satisfying as saying ‘I love you’ to someone and knowing that there is nothing ‘hiding in the closet’ or bouncing around in your head that you don’t want them to see.
Make the decision to break the chains that are put on you from masturbation and pornography. Don’t preempt failure by assuming you can’t do it. If you fall, pick yourself up and dust yourself off and give it another go. Things can only get better as you get better at resisting. There are some great books out there to help you like ‘Every Young Man’s Battle: Strategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation’( and the whole series of Being God’s Man )
I guarantee you will be introduced into a whole new level of relationship if you succeed and it might just give you that edge to ensure that the devil doesn’t destroy your marriage and family.
God Bless You
Looking forward to hearing lots of support and testimonies for this one . Amen