I Fell – Part One

It’s been a long time since we have had internet on at home, usually I use the internet at work. A week ago we had the internet connected and I was faced with a whole new set of challenges. Almost straight away I noticed that our time as a family started to decrease as I wandered around in cyber world looking at things on YouTube and chatting on face book. But the biggest problem was that there was a new temptation in the house….pornography.
For the first few days I made sure I drove my wife and kids to the places they wanted to go rather than being left behind, in the house alone. A few days ago my wife went to the doctor and I was surfing around when I followed a link and before I knew it my spirit was telling me it was time to close things down. But I didn’t. I kept clicking and clicking even though I knew I should stop.
Now that I have seen things I didn’t want to see but couldn’t resist I have gone through a range of emotions. The first was erase all the evidence so my wife won’t find out. The second was ‘Oh my God, what have I done’ Why risk the happiness of my marriage and my very soul for something I DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT TO LOOK AT when I am in my right mind. The next thoughts I had were ‘I have to get the net disconnected’ and confess to my wife what I have done. My final thoughts were ‘This is why I need God’s grace!!

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